I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
