So drunk, too bad you don't want this
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
