question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
