also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
