I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
well you can't waste a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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