She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
