stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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