im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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