my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
