That's when you crack a 10am beer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
