Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
