the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
