Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
