I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I did not marry a roomba.
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