it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
