I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
