Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
