I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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