i permit you to call me
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
