Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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