My hair reeks of homosexuality.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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