you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
