I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
