At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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