youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
