Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
