I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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