she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
