I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
