Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
