You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
