how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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