It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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