remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
