i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
It was confusing and full of hummus
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
