Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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