I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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