just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
