I just gift wrapped bread.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
