You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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