this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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