i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
