I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Randomize
