I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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