Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
