I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
