So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
