You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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