but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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