worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
