If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
