and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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