This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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