Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
