I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
