the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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