and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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