That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
