I think scott just propositioned me for sex
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
