Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
